Fic: Fade to black (2/2)

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Guiding Light and its characters are owned by Proctor and Gamble. No copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: Anything up to and including September 9th, 2009 is fair game.
Author’s note: Takes place after moving day.
Part 1: Click here

By the time I make it back to the house I’m panting. I jump up on the porch, skipping the steps all together and hurl myself through the open door before skidding to a halt. Natalia’s voice in my head is saying: Slow down. It reminds me of Decker actually, which in return reminds me of the proposal on my desk which I still haven’t signed about the franchising options…and who the fuck cares. I shake my head and turn towards the door and close it, clicking the lock in place. Natalia is (god willing, it’s only been five minutes since I left) still naked upstairs in the bathroom and now is not the time to be thinking about work. I take a deep calming breath and make my way up the stairs.

The bedroom is empty, and there’s still light inside the bathroom. Yes!

I wonder if I should just rip my clothes off right now and storm in there, or ask if I can join her first. I decide to peek inside and at least make sure she’s still in the bathtub before stripping. I nudge the door halfway open and stare at the vision in front of me. Natalia is reclined in the bathtub with her eyes closed. She’s pulled her hair up in a bun but a few tendrils have gotten loose and help guide my eyes from her face, down her neck and into the water. The rest of her body is hidden under a layer of bubbles and I’ve never wanted to be bubbles in a bubble bath as much as I do right now. And what’s with all these bubble references today, seriously? That’s a lot of bubbles.

She hasn’t opened her eyes yet, but I think she knows I’m here. Her lips are moving up into a smile.

“Took you long enough.”

Yes, yes it did.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, because really, what else can I say for my abhorrent misreading of the situation. I’ve just spent so many months trying not to interpret everything that she says and does as something sexual, that when it actually happens I’m clueless.

Her eyes open and she takes me in, traveling slowly up my body, stopping for a minute around my chest area to take in the scenery before coming to a stop when she locks eyes with mine. I seem to have forgotten how to breathe. It still amazes me how much she affects me like this. I’ve been married five times, had too many to count lovers, yet one look from her and I’m trembling like a leaf. How does she do it?

“So what are you waiting for?”

There is absolutely no misreading that and I step fully into the room and close the door behind me. I kick my sandals away and pull my t-shirt off, tossing it in the hamper. The old me would have tossed it on the floor and waited for the maid to pick it up (who, bizarre as it is right now to think about, used to be Natalia) but that’s never happening again. We’re starting fresh, equal footing and all and if that means I have to pick up after myself and toss my dirty laundry in the hamper then gosh darn it, that’s what’s going to happen! And damn I’m weird. Stop thinking. Strip.

I unbuckle my belt and slide it slowly through each belt loop until it comes off completely. I drop it next to my shoes and then unbutton my pants. These khakis are pretty loose right now because I lost some weight over the summer so they almost slide down on their own accord but I still use my hands to push them halfway down because it helps me keep focus. I bend down to pick them up. In the hamper you go. And oh my god, I’m standing in just my bra and panties in front of Natalia. I’m so glad I chose a matching pair this morning!

She’s watching me intently, her breathing has increased and I know her chest is moving rapidly up and down if the movement of the water and bubbles is anything to go by. Her eyes are watching my chest and I think she’s looking at my scar. This is the first time she’s seen it after the bandages came off. At the time it was an ugly dark-red reminder of her husband. I wonder what she thinks of it now, all pink and white against my skin. My left hand comes up covering it before I can stop myself.

No, no, I force myself to move my hand away. I don’t want to hide anymore. I look down and trace the scar with my index finger before dropping my hand against my side. “I love you,” she says, emphasizing on the ‘you’ part and I look up. It’s like when we were at Rafe’s hearing, she’s putting me at ease. It’s no longer about Gus and maybe, no, I know, it never really was. She just loves me.

And right now I can’t wait to join her in that bathtub. I practically rip off the rest of my clothes tossing them in the aforementioned hamper and stopping only for a minute to let her catch on (yes sweetheart, this is all yours), I smirk and ask her oh so nicely to scoot over. She does so wordlessly, her eyes a little glazed (I still got it), and I slide into the warm water behind her. I pause for a millisecond to get used to the heat – the water must have been freaking scalding when she went in – and then I pull her body against mine.

“Sweet jesus!” I hiss. It feels like we’re connected from head to toe. She’s nestled between my legs and there’s not a single part of my lower body that isn’t touching hers. It feels amazing. Her arms are resting by the side of the bathtub and I lower mine on hers and interlace our fingers. Her head is supported by my right shoulder, her upper back is pressed against my chest and stomach and then her lower back is pressing deliciously down on my center. I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, but that’s about as close to sex as I’ve come since before the transplant. Natalia makes a whimpering sound that makes me tingle all over. I think she’s having the same reaction I am. “Oh my god, this feels so amazing,” she practically moans out. Yup, that confirms it. I think I’ve just died and gone to heaven.

“You can say that again.”

“This feels so fucking amazing.”

I gasp in mock surprise, “Natalia, baby, did you just swear? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that word before.” I tilt my head a little to kiss her temple, and then her cheek. “It’s really hot.”

“You’ve also never taken a bath with me before…” she points out, “there’s still lots you don’t know about me.” Her arms slip into the water and she starts to move her fingers up and down my thighs. Well, that’s certainly…distracting.

“I cannot wait to experience more firsts with you…” My lips move to her ear, because I really cannot not go there. It’s adorable. I lightly nibble on her earlobe and whisper between each touch, “…and seconds, and thirds and fourths…” There are drops of water running down her neck which distract me and I pull away, chasing them with my lips and tongue.

“Olivia…” she moans and I shiver from the sound of it. I slip my arms gently around her waist and pull her even closer.

I’m kind of content to just lie like this forever, holding her close and breathing her in. Her naked body against mine. It’s unreal. I couldn’t have imagined this myself even if I tried. And I did, several times and in different positions. There is just nothing in my vast experience of sexual escapades that really compares, and so I’m kind of defenseless and just have to relax and go with my gut. Which, incidentally, is doing a very good impression of butterfly arboretum.

Natalia sighs and sinks a little deeper into me. She finds my hands underneath the water and clasps them together on her stomach, covering them with her own. She closes her eyes and turns her head slightly towards mine, moving in closer. “I love you,” she says softly and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I think she can feel the change in my heart rate, ’cause she’s smiling now.

“Can you feel that?” I whisper and she nods, her eyes still closed but her smile is bigger.

“What do you make of it?”

She opens her eyes and pulls back a little facing me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “You love me,” she says sure yet amazed and kisses me gently.

I nod and try to swallow the lump in my throat that suddenly appears, “I do.”

“I know,” she kisses me again, “I still can’t believe it sometimes. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Forgiving me.”

“That was actually the easy part.”

She shakes her head, “forgiving is not easy Olivia, there are people that go on entire lifetimes being bitter and angry and unforgiving, but you, you’re just amazing,” I shrug and drop my eyes down, I don’t feel very amazing. “You are,” she repeats, as if reading my thoughts, “I told you before, you’re the most forgiving person I’ve ever met. You may not love easily, but once you do allow yourself to love, it is the strongest and most surest love there is. True, fierce, loyal and forgiving and I’m so grateful I get to share it with you. And Olivia,” she pauses finding my eyes again, “I know you don’t trust me yet, not completely, and that’s okay. It’s going to take time for me to gain that trust back, but sweetheart, forgiving me was the first step in that process and it had to come from you. No matter how relentless I was being, I wasn’t going to be able to force that to happen. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

And I’m crying again. Great. I do manage a mumbled “you’re welcome” and “I love you” before I lose myself in her kisses to make it better. I think she understands what I need because she’s kissing me back with abandon. I need her to want me and need me like I need her. I’ve always needed her, from the moment we met. I’m losing myself in her, and suddenly I get the urge to taste her everywhere, so I release her mouth and move down to her chin, and jaw and cheek, I kiss and nibble and taste. I kiss her forehead and both eyelids and nose, and it makes her giggle and crinkle it up adorably. I touch her nose with mine and tell her how adorable she is when she does that, then I continue my journey. I’m sucking lightly on her neck now, almost euphoric from the taste and feel of it. I think I have a new found sympathy with vampires. This is quickly becoming an addiction.

“You’re really good at this…” she says and turns her head towards mine, seeking and capturing my lips with her own. We trade soft kisses, tasting each other.

“Good at what?” I wonder and capture her bottom lip between mine, gently sucking on it. She says something but it just sounds like mumbling. Like mother like son, I guess. I chuckle. Oh, that was bad. I release her bottom lip and instead pepper small kisses around her face again, while my hands caress her stomach and ribs, inching closer towards her chest. “What did you say?”

“You’re driving me crazy…” she moves and turns halfway in the water, her movement causing enticing friction in several places. And oh god, now her hip is pressing into me, right there, and it’s all I can do to not rock my hips. Oh baby, you’re driving me crazy too.

Her right hand grabs the back of my neck and she pulls me towards her in a demanding kiss. Her tongue literally plunders my mouth and it goes on forever. I start feeling dizzy and faint and I have to pull back a second later to catch my breath, “good god woman, are you trying to kill me?”

“Don’t even joke about that,” she says and dives in again, this time sucking my tongue into her mouth.

Okay, I think I have to reevaluate every single (apparent) misconception I had about Natalia’s experience or lack there of. The woman can kiss! What else is she good at?

She pulls back after a minute and we rest our foreheads together, catching our breaths. “I want you, like all the time,” she admits with a soft smile. I think she might be a little embarrassed about that. “I’ve never wanted anyone or anything as much as I want you,” I confess as well and I can feel her nodding, accepting the truth in my words. “I know,” she says and I have to kiss her again. I’ll never get tired of it.

She’s twisting slightly back into her original position and my head follows so we don’t break our kiss. She puts her hands on top of mine and urges them up until my hands are filled with her soft breasts. I moan into her mouth and kiss her harder, stretching my fingers to capture as much of her as I can. Okay, I’ve touched and played with my breasts plenty of time. You’d think that touching another woman’s breast would be no different. No big deal, right? Wrong! Touching hers, so not the same.

And wow, pregnancy has really, um, filled her. I mean let’s be honest here, they’re huge. I thought mine were big, but damn…

She’s mumbling against my mouth again so I pull back to understand, “what baby?”

“I need you,” she breathes out hesitantly and arches her back, pressing hard against my center. Fuck me, that’s good. Does she know what she’s doing? “Anything,” I whimper, “you can ask me anything.”

“I need you,” she says again, this time with certainty, and moves my right hand away from her breast (bye, bye, I was becoming very fond of you) and towards her own center. Oh. Oh! “…fuck,” I moan, finishing the thought out loud.

“Yes, Olivia, please…” she begs, and the combination of that, in conjunction with what I said and the feeling of my hand touching her and how she’s moving her hips, it’s almost too much for me. I’m shivering uncontrollably; from arousal, excitement, stimulation, all of the above? I don’t know, I just know I need to touch her.

So I do.

My hand moves hesitantly at first, getting familiar with her sex. I trace over landscape so familiar with my own, yet different at the same time. I can’t see what I’m doing from this position, so I have to go by touch and instinct, but that doesn’t bother me. This feels mother fucking amazing, and I’ve done this enough times by myself that I’m pretty confident I can make her feel good too. Plus, Natalia, god bless this amazingly gorgeous woman in my arms, turns out to be a pretty vocal lover. And wow, that just hit me. Lover. She’s my lover now. Will wonders never cease?

But next time, when I touch her like this, I want to be front and center, preferably with the lights on. I don’t want to miss a thing.

I abandon my post momentarily to cup her chin with my left hand, directing her mouth towards mine. I really need to be kissing her right now. As soon as she accepts my tongue into her mouth, I move my hand back into the water and tease her nipples with my fingers.

My other hand is exploring Natalia in her most intimate places and it’s quite obvious to me that I’ve never made love to anyone before now. Everything before this has been just sex. Even with the men I actually, truly loved, it was never like this. I never opened up to them fully, and in return they didn’t open up to me. It took someone like Natalia, with her never-ending love and patience, and let’s face it, she’s stubborn as hell, to see past my bullshit and find me. I know there are tears streaming down my face right now but I don’t care. I’m so fucking full of love for this woman I just can’t help it. When she left, I was devastated. Like truly, honestly devastated. Wrecked beyond repair, or so I thought. I’m not fully healed now, far from it. I know it, she knows it, but it’s moments like these that go a really, really long way to accomplish that. Like really.

I’m caressing her now with long firm strokes, alternating with swirls and swipes around her bundle of nerves to mix it up. I don’t want to overwhelm her, but I also don’t want her to miss out on anything. And this always seems to work wonders with me. ‘Do unto others…’ and so on, right? I can feel her clitoris rise up from my ministrations and my fingers are now rubbing circles around her entrance, itching to go in. “Can I?” I whisper next to her ear and she nods frantically. “God yes, Olivia inside, now…”

I think I’ll remember the feel of my fingers sliding inside her for the first time forever. It’s warm and inviting and it’s overwhelming because it’s Natalia. I’ve been wanting this and fantasizing and dreaming about this for months and now it’s here and it’s really, really happening and wow, she’s really responding to me. I’m moving my middle and ring finger in and out, in and out and Natalia is moving her hips in rhythm with my movements. I’m really (and there’s no other word to describe it) fucking her with my hand and it’s almost hypnotizing in its simplicity. Such simple mechanics, yet the reward is so great.

Her hips have started moving faster and faster and the sounds she’s making in my mouth tell me that she’s close. I’m pretty close myself as well. Every time she moves her hips down again, she pushes against me, so I’ve started moving my hips a little as well to meet her. The water is sloshing all over the place, but my god, the feeling coursing through my body right now is so ridiculous, I couldn’t slow down even if I tried. I’ll gladly pay for any water damage tomorrow. Right now, I want this. I want her.

I can feel myself start to break apart, so I speed up my fingers inside her. I need her to come with me. I stretch my arm as far as it can go, and push my wrist down further so the palm of my hand presses against her epicenter harder. My arm feels like it’s falling off, it’s going to be crazy sore tomorrow, but it’s so worth it.

She’s moaning into my mouth and I think I can hear my name somewhere in the midst of it, but I want to be sure. I tear my mouth away and latch onto her neck, sucking on her pulse point. Oh yeah, she’s definitely moaning my name. That’s the sweetest sound in world, right there.

And oh my god, I think it’s happening now. I can feel it. Her walls are pulsing and clenching around my fingers and her hips start to buck uncontrollably. Her head falls back over my shoulder and she lets out a long keening sound that sounds suspiciously like “Oliiiviiiaaaa”. I’m bursting with pride. Seriously. And dear god in fucking heaven, her backside repeatedly hits my center hard in the midst of it all and it sends me tumbling alongside her. Holy mother! “Natalia…” I moan as I start to tremble, my eyelids fluttering as I strain to keep them open but it’s too much. My hips buck in rhythm with hers as I ride out the waves, my eyes close and my heart pounds wildly in my chest. Pleasure shoots out from my center and travels to every part of my body. I can feel the veins in my forehead popping and straining to keep it inside. Good god!

When it’s all over I collapse bonelessly back against the back of the tub, Natalia follows me a second later. I’m pretty glad she can’t read my mind, because holy bejeezus Batman! I owe the swear jar about a million bucks. That was so fucking good! My head falls back and I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath.

“Oh my fucking god…” I hear. Did I say that out loud? I don’t know, my brain is in kind of a mush right now. “That was…oh my fucking god!” Oh wait, it’s Natalia. Hey, she sounds like me.

Somewhere I find the strength to lift my arms and wrap them around her and hold her tight. “You’re fucking damn right it was,” I agree whole-heartedly.

I never really had the chance before, but now, lying here with Natalia naked, and me being ridiculously satisfied and not trembling with need for her (although, I can feel it growing in my belly the longer we lie together like this) I’m taking the time to really look at her and damn, the woman has lots of birthmarks. It’s incredibly sexy. I knew she had birthmarks, of course, I’ve spent enough time staring at her that I can, with my eyes closed, pinpoint every birthmark she has on her arms and face and neck. But look at it, it’s on her shoulders, and back, and thighs… it’s everywhere, and I can’t wait until we go to bed and I can really explore. It’s like the northern sky with stars and constellations and galaxies. Maybe I can name a star after myself? That’s, that’s kinda, sorta hot. Like claiming her, or laying the land…or… and what the hell am I thinking about? What am I? A cowboy? A pioneer?

Thankfully my love interrupts me before I can go any further in my madness.

“Where, how, when… what with the what…” Has she lost her mind too? Damn, I’m good.

“Honey?”

“Where did you learn how to do that?” She finally asks and I wonder which that she’s referring to?

“Just that whole thing, especially…” she pulls my right hand towards her face and kisses each finger reverently. Oh boy.

“Oh that…well, I’ve had, you know, a lot of experience with that.”

“What?!” She whips her head around so quickly she almost head-butts me. Missed it by this much.

“What?” I see the look on her face and she’s alarmed, afraid, hurt and I could kick myself. “No! No, no, no, no, no, no. Nuh huh and no. You’re my first. Only you baby.”

“Then…”

I lean in close gauging her reaction and when she doesn’t move away I kiss her softly, “come here.” She eyes me somewhat warily, but then turns back around and settles back into my arms. “I meant,” I say softly, “that I’ve had a lot of experience doing that to myself. You know,” I lean closer to whisper in her ear, “masturbation.”

A shiver runs through her and I rub my hands up and down her arms. “Are you cold?”

“No…but we really need to get out of this bathtub and in bed. Like right now.”

***

TBC